Untitled 4
December 2019
Have you ever wrapped your fingers
around something smooth and soft
That shouldn’t hurt
to squeeze at all but
does anyway
Have you ever tasted water
oh so cold that it felt hot
The full spectrum backwards
inside out
My brain when we skinplay
Do you always avoid the door
Don’t you want to pick the lock
You live for a post-question future
While my eyes fix on the clock
A while back I had a dream
I tried to redo nine months to a T
Unraveled sin
erasing touch
I don’t deserve a perfect me
Sometimes it feels like neither fits
I’d jump the fork right on the spot
But that would make me
just like you
The fantasy decays
Everything I’ve ever loved, I’ve learned
eventually is lost
Did you get what you wanted
from this life
It’s really hard to say
Untitled 3
November 2019
There is a river inside me
How it slithers and shivers
slicing an aquiline path that sloshes in my chest
We spend our lives licking each other’s tears, sipping saliva strings
Holding the bowl up to our lips and
draining the stream of discomfort we ride breezily upon, grimacing
The old river I have traveled and known turns upon me
Threatens to rip the cords out of my throat
And to glance downstream
is to spot a simple, porous, loamy delta
Concerningly tempted
to sink my whole weight in until the soil presses my eyelids
But what does it mean to hover between
water and land, the most inhuman human crutch
Body bind, peg leg
Your pirate comparisons have never felt
more ironically appropriate
There is a river inside me—
Did I mention it’s split in two?
And all I’m doing as I ride this
waterfall to nowhere is following
My compass of desire
Untitled 2
August 2019
I have a problem with desire. U see or u don’t see...it doesn’t end even once i completely own, once i completely consume, stem and seeds and all. It brings me a very palpable sense of dissatisfaction
A sadness so astringent yet so...clotted
Like swallowing a ball of hot liquid
Sizzling, thumping its way down your esophagus to the beat of your heart
Some days i want to eat my life for breakfast
But most days i wake up and i’m not starving
Probably becos i spent the night eating every precious moment i have with/out you and you with/out me
The shower mat looks like an empty baking sheet
And when i plant my feet where the food goes i feel like the only person left in refrigerator world
Population subzero, and the hungry hungry hum in my head asks me:
who are u gonna call to tell them u love them?
Loe
August 2018
I treat my days like an all you can eat buffet
let time flow across my tongue like soda water
the more I eat the hungrier I get
and eventually I don’t even want to hear about
the appetizer menu because I have already ordered
tomorrow’s entree yesterday
they really should make something that comes after dessert
I rub my hands and revel in my foresight
but all this looking ahead has left me
with nothing more than an empty plate today
and when I go to bed
I feel the heaviest pit in my stomach
a dark eyed thick boned skeleton glares at me thru the closet mirror
I visit the doctor with my concerns
you lack an essential mineral, the doctor admonishes
b12 and iron pills are dirt beneath shoes
against the nourishment of affection
no wonder my body is feeding itself with nightmares
Untitled 1
August 2018
Everyone says let go
But what they really mean is
Stop bothering me
I want to be friends with everyone and ur an obstacle
None of u actually know how to let things go
U see one dot of color and suddenly
Ur hands are grasping squirming memories
Everything moves
Even that which has already happened
And sometimes what’s happened is what moves the most
Luckily I live for motion
None of u is all of me
And i’m not looking for a direction babe
I just wanna walk w u
Angel in Purgatory
May 2018
how do you unfuck yourself?
living normal life has become so much of an extraordinary effort because of how much you have to
divert your concentration and impulses from their natural magnetically inclined paths
normal isn’t normal, it’s above and beyond
and if that’s above and beyond, don’t ask what true normal is until i’ve unfucked myself
we aren’t angels i think we’re more like sleepers
hard at work in our heads
and everyone is just trying to dream the right dream